Help; I’m in an Abusive Relationship

Over the past few weeks, it has become ever-apparent to me that my relationship has drifted from the new, exciting, fun-filled and novel experience that it once was, to a cold, harsh, tortuous, unrelenting and unrewarding task that I have grown accustomed to tolerating day-in and day-out. It has caused me to lose much sleep, especially over the last week. I find myself staying up late not to enjoy pleasant exchanges as it once was before — rather taping my eyelids open so to force myself to face the stressful problems you create that are wearing me down.  Not only do I retire to my bedroom later, my quality of sleep has also declined. I lie in bed, wide-eyed, lost in weariness and deep in thought, constantly mulling over the misunderstandings we share in search of possible mistakes I could have made. Am I at fault? Could I have done something different and actually changed the course of our trajectory? Or was I — rather, were we destined to fall out of favor with each other at some point in time? Yes, that’s it. This is something that all lasting relationships must endure. Struggle, strife, and strain are only signs that we care for each other after all. But if you cared for me as I you, why would you put me through so much hell? Have I not proved time and time again my dedication? Are you blind to my daily efforts to give you ample attention? I wish you could see how much you take and how little you give. I wish you could see and appreciate all that I do in your name. Perhaps in time you will, but until then I will endure and persevere because I see the untapped, lifelong happiness that is in our future. I will hold on for the next 650+ days that we are to share, and I will do my part to make it work, so please do yours, PA School.

^^ That was fun to write. Sadly, it’s spot on accurate regarding how I feel. These past few weeks have been the most difficult yet. I don’t care what the professors say, or what the Class of 2014 students said, term two is easily the most difficult term thus far. It’s not even close!! My average bedtime last week was 11:30PM and average wake up time was 5:15AM. I live for the weekends not to party, vent, or release, but to sleep! Once again, the difficulty is not due to quality of material, i.e., nobody in the class seems to be having any trouble comprehending the subject matter; the difficulty lies in the quantity of material. To put some figures to these words, I think we had six exams over a 10-day period. Try and keep in mind that these aren’t your average “I’ll study for it the night before and get a B” exams. Each one of these is a “HOLY $#*! IF I DON’T DO WELL ON THIS EXAM MY FUTURE IS OVER” exam. The questions are specific, detailed, and I swear that the seemingly benign act of reading the question subtracts ~0.008% from my life expectancy because they’re that stressful. Forget exercise, watching NFL playoffs, and fun in general — the only thing there is time for is studying. There was so much crap piled on top of each other last weekend that I found myself studying for a pharmacology exam the night before my pulmonology exam, simply because I felt like if I didn’t get a jump on the pharm, it would jump me. And thank God I studied during Christmas break because that extra effort paid dividends for me. To be clear, I still had ample time while on break to relax, exercise, and veg out watching as many episodes of The First 48 on A&E as available, but I made sure I studied something each day. I don’t think it’s because I needed to in order to pass, but I needed to for myself… because I’m a nerd.

I found time to leave the house twice last weekend. Scratch that, I forced myself to leave the house twice last weekend — once to go grocery shopping with my roommate, and the other was a spontaneous decision to head to The Strip and try and capture a time-lapse photo of the sunset from atop the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino with my GoPro. The latter was rather disappointing. I set out for the strip an hour before sunset, but by the time I found parking, waited in a 30 min line to get a ticket, waited in another 30 min line to get to the elevator line, waited in the elevator line for like 15 minutes (just to have my bag searched and tripod removed because tripods “aren’t allowed”), the sun had already officially set. I was still able to get some good footage though because I had only barely missed it. Also, fortunately for me they didn’t remove my suction cup mount, so once I got to the outdoor viewing platform I stood on a bench, placed the suction up as high as I could on the glass and started recording. When I told my roommate what I did he said, “Wow. Sounds like you really stuck it to ’em.” Haha. Here’s a link to the time-lapse. I’m practicing using this new video-editing program I got so I’ll know what the heck I’m doing when I have boatloads of New Zealand footage to edit at the end of my trip 🙂

Speaking of New Zealand… I thought about writing some about the activities that we’re doing, but I think I’d prefer to have pictures and video to include with the descriptions of the activities, so I’m gonna hold off on that for when I return.

This weekend has been more pleasant than last. I’m still studying a lot, but it’s for easier classes, e.g., diagnostic modalities and physical diagnosis. My physical diagnosis (PD) final exam is on Wednesday this week, and I’m not even close to being ready. For the PD final, we perform a mock physical diagnosis on my classmate/partner. “Mock” isn’t even the right word because everything about the exam is real. The only fake part about it is that the patient isn’t a real patient… But yeah, it’s kind of a stressful exam. We have 30 minutes to get through 4 randomly selected sections of the body to examine. The sections include HEENT, cardiology, pulmonology, neurology, musculoskeletal, dermatology, abdominal, and mental health. Each section has a laundry list of things to check and tests to perform. Each test is very specific and meaningful, and of course we must know the meaning for them all. The worst part for me is the time constraint. I realize that 30 minutes is a long time, and if PD was the only class I had I’d be flying through these exams no problem. Instead, this is one of many classes this session where you have to flat memorize things and be able to recite them verbatim. It sucks. It also sucks that an instructor is literally watching over your shoulder with a checklist as you accomplish (or forget to accomplish) each task – *check. scribble. check. check. scribble.* —- UPDATE —-  After studying some for the PD final, I quickly and pleasantly realized that I remember a lot of the verbiage from the checklists, so studying for it has been a breeze. I’ve instead devoted more time to studying for the pulmonology exam #2 on Friday.

The good news is that as soon as this weeks is over, the schedule lightens up a lot. My roommate and I just noticed this actually, but the last two weeks of school are devoid of a lot of classes, so although we may have exams each day the last week T_T, at least we don’t have class all day after each test (as we have had throughout this arduous term).

I’M SO EXCITED TO GO TO NEW ZEALAND!!! I hardly get to think about it because I’m so damn busy.

Something that I like about my PA program that I think most pre-PA students wouldn’t even think about (including myself) are our “Town Hall Meetings.” Let me rephrase that. I don’t particularly enjoy them, but I greatly appreciate the fact that we have them. The Town Hall Meeting is something that we hold on an as-needed basis, and it’s a meeting between the class and our program director/AAPA presidential nominee, PA Padgett 😉 We hold the meeting during the lunch hour (which is why it’s a bummer –> no ping pong), and it’s essentially a closed-door meeting during which we’re allowed to voice any concerns, complaints and questions we may have to the director in complete confidence that she won’t repeat what we’ve told her to anyone outside the room. I think we’ve had two or three of them now, and each one has been generally productive. They normally start off with the director catching us up on things that the PA program is up to. Lately she’s been updating us on the mobile health unit — a project she drew up a while ago and is just now finally been able to implement. It’s just as it sounds. It’s a vehicle filled with health supplies and a make-shift treatment room, and it’s going to be driven to areas of poverty to distribute free health screenings, check-ups, and medications. We’re all really excited about it because it’s student run and solely belongs to the PA program. No other program on campus has anything remotely like it, so we’re a bit proud, and rightfully so.  Anyway, she will give us updates like that, and then for the remainder of the lunch hour we will talk about whatever is on our minds. It’s a great way to vent and be heard. The only problem with it is that we’re a group of 59, and that means that there may be 59 different opinions on any one topic. The problem is that the voice of one student can be perceived by the director as the opinion of many which sometimes isn’t true, so the director may receive the wrong message altogether. Ideally, we’d be able to get together before the meetings and jot down the most mutually shared concerns to be sure that what is important to us is mentioned, and in the proper way by a designated individual. Of course, nothing about PA school is ideal. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I can’t imagine setting aside time for a meeting with the class to organize our collective thoughts. There’s no way that would work and I am not advocating for it lol. I’m just sayin’, if only there was time…

Speaking of time, where has it gone? I need to sleep. Three more weeks remain in term 2; I’ll need every bit of energy to survive the upcoming onslaught.

I’ll leave you with a highly recommended 5 minute video of Bo Burnham’s Vine videos on YouTube. If you haven’t heard of Bo Burnham, I’m not surprised. He’s a young comedian that gained fame on the internet as a teenager, but now he does some stand-up and a lot of funny videos on the internet. Check him out. He’s not for everyone, i.e., he’s vulgar, but he’s very smart, articulate, and is full of puns and irony which is why I love him. Here ya go! See ya next time.

 

PA Padgett for President, Winter Gala, and the PA Challenge Bowl

Upon finishing up with this blog entry, I think it’s safe to say that it’s the longest I’ve ever written. However, since most of you voted that you’d like me to write more about PA school in my most recent poll, I think this blog will probably be one of the more interesting blogs to date. At least I hope. You be the judge.

The first week back after winter break wasn’t as bad as some would lead on. Sure, we had a cardiology exam three days into our return; and yes, it was more challenging than it needed to be due to some convoluted teaching, but most (if not all) of us survived it and are now done with cardiology for the remainder of the term. Aside from that exam, the week was pretty chill. Our two hour endocrinology lecture on Tuesday was postponed until Friday, and then postponed again until next Friday, so we got out of class at 12 PM twice this week. We think our endo professor is taking an extended vacation. Before we left for break she said she was going to the Rose Bowl and then to Florida to catch some rays (synthesize some calcitriol). Before that, during lecture one day she said she works to vacation – “I work just enough to be able to afford my next trip.” Haha, that’s the way to live. She’s awesome though. Probably the funniest professor we’ve had here. You should hear her talk about hypothyroidism, a disorder that significantly depresses your metabolism and makes you lethargic (among various other symptoms). Actually, here she is saying that “you’re gonna look liiiiikkkeee uuuuhhhhh ssslllluuuuuuggggg.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTcr6MzRLN4&feature=youtu.be

The most difficult part of the rest of the week was Friday (the tenth) when we had pharmacology. Our most recent pharm professor is great, but she is always late with her breaks! Let me explain. For every 50 minutes of lecture, we’re permitted a 10 minute break to use the restroom, stand, stretch, moan, groan, complain, bullshit, play Candy Crush, get water, get a snack, ask the professor a question that you were too embarrassed to ask in front of the class, or lie on the floor in the back of the room (Anna :-P). We’re pretty finicky about our 10 minute break, too. How finicky? As a class we designated a particular student in the front row to, as politely as possible, gently remind professors that we are due for a break if the lecture is running into our coveted 10 minutes of freedom window. Most times when he raises his hand to notify the professor, they are unaware that they’ve gone over and are very apologetic. Not this pharm professor. She not only goes beyond 50 minutes, she does so knowingly. I see her looking at the clock on the back wall of the room, and she doesn’t even play like she’s oblivious. At 55 minutes she’ll say, “I’ll let you have a break in just a minute,” and at 60 minutes she’ll continue with whatever topic she is on. Around 65-70 minutes she’ll finally (and reluctantly, I might add) sigh as she says, “Do you guys need a break?” As if even one student will say, “Nah, keep going! You’re on a roll!” If you think we make too big a deal out of our ten minute breaks, it’s because you haven’t sat through a lecture as dense as iridium about drugs that are selective and non-selective alpha and beta agonists and/or antagonists. It’s just a LOT to take in, especially without a break. Science is behind us on this one too. A study published in 1985 found that college students’ attention span lasted 10-15 minutes from the start of a lecture. Beyond that, they’d “mostly zoned out.” http://ideas.time.com/2012/10/02/why-lectures-are-ineffective/ It’s even more difficult at this level of learning to stay focused. A lot of effort is spent trying to keep up.

I’m not sure if I’ve every spoken much about the director of our PA program. Her name is Vicki Chan-Padgett, PA-C, and she’s an amazing woman. Here’s an excerpt from her bio on my school’s website:

Vicki Chan-Padgett received her Bachelor of Science as a physician associate from the University of Oklahoma/US Air Force and her Master of Science from the University of Nebraska. A 21-year veteran, she has worked in internal medicine, emergency medicine, and family practice. Prior to retirement from the military, she was the director of the U.S. Air Force Physician Assistant (PA) program. During that time, she served on the Physician Assistant National Certification Examination test development committee and chaired the committee to develop the Inter-service Physician Assistant Program.

After several years working in a Veterans Administration clinic, she went back to academia and helped open the Touro University California Physician Assistant Program and in 2004, was called upon to open the Touro program in Nevada.

Her community involvement is extensive and one of her most notable achievements is the opening of a free clinic in a women’s shelter. She is professionally involved as well, having served as the president of both the Nevada Academy of Physician Assistants and the Veterans Caucus of the American Academy of Physician Assistants. She currently is a commissioner on the AAPA Advocacy and government Affairs Commission and sits on the PA Advisory Committee of the Osteopathic Board of Medical Examiners. She is also the recipient of the AAPA 2012 PA Service to the Underserved Award.

This just scratches the surface regarding the type of person she is. Why am I telling you this? This week, PA Padgett announced to our class that she is officially running for the position of American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA) presidency! Per the AAPA.org website:

The AAPA is “the national professional society for physician assistants. It represents a profession of more than 86,500 certified PAs across all medical and surgical specialties.” It also “advocates and educates on behalf of the profession and the patients PAs serve. AAPA works to ensure the professional growth, personal excellence and recognition of physician assistants. It also works to enhance their ability to improve the quality, accessibility and cost-effectiveness of patient-centered healthcare.”

As you can see, it’s a big deal to PAs. We’re so excited and proud for/of her. It’s a voluntary position, but a lot of good can be done as president. I can’t imagine a better candidate. Unfortunately, students can’t vote and sadly, only ~8% of eligible voters actually turn out. It’s pretty sad. PAs really need to organize better so the AAPA can better influence law-making that is favorable to PAs. The problem is that it’s hard to motivate a crowd of people that are extremely happy/content with their current circumstances, i.e., PAs are very happy doing what they’re doing. The downfall to complacency is that while PAs sit idly enjoying things the way they are now, the nurses, pharmacists, and nurse practitioners are individually, indirectly organizing against PAs and chipping away at our patient load, one bill at a time. Time for PAs to step up and take responsibility for their beloved career, and I think PA Padgett is the perfect person for the job.

Saturday, December 11th, was the night of the Winter Gala. It’s an interdisciplinary winter ball-like dance that my school puts on, and it was so much fun. The usual crew came over to the house to pre-game a bit, then we headed over to the venue which was just down the street. It was only $20 to get in which covered dinner and dessert. There was even a DJ there playing the best censored hip hop that a Jewish institution could procure. Hahah, nah it was actually good music. The night was a blur, so-to-speak, so just look at these pictures.

Photo Booth Weirdos

The Girls

The Boys

Suspenseful Suspenders

At the Gala

I saved the best news for last. IMPACT is an annual AAPA conference. Each year it’s held in a different U.S. city, and this year it’s in Boston. The AAPA describes the conference as such: 

The AAPA Conference is the largest PA-focused CME event in the world, with an expected attendance of over 6,000 physician assistants and students. Held at the Boston Convention & Exhibition Center in the heart of Boston’s Seaport District, the Conference 2014 offers unique learning, networking and professional growth opportunities for PAs in all career stages.

The conference is being held 05/23/14-05/28/14 this year, and any PA or PA student can attend. I remember members of the 2014 PA class  telling our class (class of 2015) about the conference when we first arrived in June, and I remember thinking that it would be a lot of fun to attend. Although the aforementioned excerpt is a great reason to attend, the reason that appealed to most to us as students was the National Medical Challenge Bowl.

National Medical Challenge Bowl:

One eligible team of three students from each PA Program is invited to participate. Questions are asked on a variety of subjects, including physical diagnosis, microbiology, anatomy, OB/GYN, pulmonary, cardiology, primary care, emergency medicine and surgery. All of the teams will go through the first round of competition using an Audience Response System (ARS) response pad (one per team of three) until 36 teams remain. The rest of the rounds will use a buzzer system, questions and answers will be verbal and there will be a team of three judges to assess the answers.  The 36 remaining teams will compete for three more rounds until there are three teams left.  At that time, a wild card team will be selected from all previously eliminated teams. The three teams and the one wildcard team will participate in the final round, where one team will earn the title of Challenge Bowl Champion.

Here’s a clip from the finals of IMPACT 2010 Challenge Bowl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrZkkBu1AXg (My school was in the final 4!)

When school first started, I thought it would be pretty cool to attend the Challenge Bowl and cheer on TUN. As each school can create a team of any three current students, our school generally chooses two members of the class that is on rotations (the 2014s) and one member of the class that’s in the didactic phase (my class). So, on Monday or Tuesday of this week, we got an email that asked us to reply if we wanted to nominate anyone (or ourselves) to be the Challenge Bowl representative from our class. However, I didn’t even know that this email was sent out until one of our aforementioned beloved ten minute breaks that morning when PA Lee (the sweetest whip-cracker you’ll ever meet, and leading member of the PA faculty) entered the classroom, approached me, and asked if I would like to accept my nominations. “Nominations? As in plural?” I thought. I was surprised to find out that two people had nominated me already

But I was thrilled and eagerly accepted. A number of other classmates were (rightfully) nominated as well, but in the end only three accepted their nominations. At this point, I’ve probably dragged this story on for too long, so I’m going to get to the point. The decision regarding who from our (2015) class would join the team of two members of the 2014 class to represent our school was put to a vote, AND I WON!!! It still brings a smile to my face to think about because I’m just that nerdy. It’s incredibly flattering to be chosen by my peers to represent them. As a show of gratitude, I bought the class five platters of turkey and cheese deli rolls from Costco because who doesn’t like turkey and cheese deli rolls from Costco?!  But regarding the Challenge Bowl, I’ll be sure to post more info about it as it pops up.

That’s it for this blog. I’m spent and this is long enough to be a full feature film. Until next time!

2013 – 2014

Barring any unforeseen need to fly home, this will be my last blog from Antioch, CA until late June, 2014. When I return, I will have traveled outside of the United States for the first time (02/13/2014-03/01/2014), the 2014 NFL draft will have run its course (05/08/14-05/12/2014), summer will have already officially begun (06/21/14), and I will have finished my first 12 months (out of 28) of PA school. Although it will be the longest period of time I’ve ever spent away from home, I doubt I will even realize I’m away. School has a funny way of making me blind to time, and no doubt I will be preoccupied when I’m in New Zealand. As always, I’ll miss my family and friends at home… in between outlining lectures, creating mnemonics, and cramming for exams.

Speaking of  breaks, my current break has been nothing like the one I had between sessions in October. In a seemingly premeditated fashion, our professors sent us away for the holidays with a slew of pharmacology (four lectures) and cardiology (five lectures) to study. How sweet of them, right? It wouldn’t even be that bad if it wasn’t for the fact that the cardiology lectures are freaking DENSE! I mean, I’ll be the first to tell you I love cardiology and see myself practicing for a cardiothoracic surgeon somewhere down the line, but these lectures are too much. It’s not overly confusing or anything, it’s just that the professor’s slides are too wordy. If she could give us the most important bullets, it’d be far more practical to study. Ah well, it’s not like the exam is two days after we return from bre… Wait – yes it is T_T

Anyway, yeah, the break hasn’t been filled with seeing friends and catching up with everyone as it was in October. Instead, I’ve spent a good deal of time studying and running. Christmas Eve and Christmas day were a lot of fun. I spent time with my mom’s side and dad’s side of the family on each day, respectively, and we had white elephant gift exchanges at both. At one gift exchange I won a box with $30 worth of lottery scratchers lol. I scratched them and won $10 back. At the other gift exchange I won a nice set of Logitech computer speakers with subwoofer, which is perfect because it’s exactly what I wanted for my office back in Henderson… which is why I bought them for the gift exchange 😉

I also bought a GoPro Hero 3+ Black Edition for my trip to NZ. Then I bought a ton of accessories. I need to control my spending better.

Which reminds me, I got my newest tattoo started! Haha. Let me just start off by saying it was by far the most excruciating pain I have ever felt and ever wish to feel in my entire life. It had everything to do with the location, but by the end of my four-hour session, my arms and legs were twisted into pretzels, every muscle in my body was exhausted, I was diaphoretic, and I was wincing and writhing in pain with every stroke of the needle. My sister will gladly attest to that as she was there for it all lol. Here’s a pic of the work done so far. I was hesitant to post a pic so early because it feels premature, but it’s all good. I still have 1-2 more sessions remaining in which he’ll extend the branches a bit and add a lot of color and shadowing. If you look closely at the roots, you’ll see the word “persevere.” I chose to get it tattooed because I believe perseverance is the most important trait a person can have in life. John Quincy Adams (and many other respectable historical figures) put it eloquently when he said,

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”

The word definitely took on a whole new meaning while I was sweating bullets on the tattooer’s table.

Tattoo Session 1

I went to the Exploratorium with my mom, her husband, my sister, and her boyfriend for my mom’s birthday on 12/29/2013. The new layout was cool – much bigger than their old location. The content was pretty much the same since I went in 2008 though. It was still fun to explore (pardon the pun) with everyone. I wore my new GoPro on a chest strap mount while I walked around. Haha, so what if I looked like a complete dork? I’m confident my future wife was not there. I’m also confident that if she was there she would have been impressed by my sense of confidence/obliviousness. Here’s some pictures!

Fairy Station

Mom!

Pier 39 Christmas Tree

Pier 39

I got distracted for 20 minutes looking at this: http://distractify.com/culture/arts/the-most-spectacular-abandoned-places-in-the-world/

2013 was the most rewarding year of my life thus far. I know this blog is sort of built around my life as a PA student and I talk about it all the time. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t say that being a PA student, even for only six months, has changed me in ways that I very much like and appreciate. The people I’ve met are amazing, and through them I’ve grown. I look forward to growing as a professional and a person in 2014.

[Segue]

Here’s a couple of my favorite memes of 2013:

Lastly, a blog with “2014” in the title wouldn’t feel right without some sort of talk about what I expect this year has in store for me, so here goes:

• The obvious/exciting/nerve-wrecking thing that immediately comes to mind about 2014 is beginning clinical rotations. In November of this year, my classmates and I will be shipped off all over the States (wherever we want) to complete 1-2 month rotations in adult medicine, family medicine, emergency medicine, OB/GYN, pediatrics, surgery, community medicine, clinical skills, and two elective rotations of our choosing. Here’s to hoping I know enough medical stuff to actually practice in 11 months!
• I will run a half-marathon this year – just need to sign up for one
• I’ll finish up my third tattoo
• The Raiders will draft a QB with their first round draft pick and they’ll win 8+ games this season (or at least they better)
• I might break down and buy a 4K HDTV, even though I know there’s practically no content out for it yet
• Nanotechnology may yield “breakthroughs in cancer, Alzheimer’s Dx, vision and hearing loss” –http://mashable.com/2013/12/31/tech-predictions-2014/

I’d like to end this blog with a poll. I’m a pretty random/eclectic dude/writer, so I’m sure that those of you that peer into my life once every week or two with this blog appreciate it more when I write about one particular topic or another. To give me some insight as to what sort of content I should include in my blog in 2014. So, if you’ve made it this far, please answer the following question! You can select as many answer choices as you’d like. Oh, and bear in mind, I honestly cannot see your responses. Yes, even if you arrived here by clicking the link on Facebook, I have no idea who answered what!! Alright, until next time. Thanks for reading and I hope you had an awesome Holiday Season and an even better 2014!